Text “A” for Chicken Madras

November 29th, 2008 by BGonaSTICK

Yay! Time to hear about another of my pet hates!

Can’t wait, huh?   :P

This week, it’s “Phone competitions, where two out of three answers would condemn you as an intellectual vegetable.”

I’m on the lookout for the most outragous competition.

You know the type of thing.

How many ears does Phillip Schofield have?

  • A - Chicken Madras
  • B - TWO - This is the correct answer! Vote for ‘B’ you idiots!
  • C - Ag2Cr2O7

I think that originally, the simplicity of the questions was designed to encourage more people to phone in at exorbitant premium rates to effectively top-up the camera crews’ wages. Nowadays of course, that sort of scam could never happen, so it must be because somebody in television-world thinks that we’re all thick.

Today for example, I was floored by the competition on Rosemary Shrager School For Cooks:

“What food comes in types Plain and Self-Raising?”

  • A - Sugar
  • B - Flour
  • C - Salt

Surely not. It’s a bad dream, it is. May I be clubbed about the head like a baby seal if I favour self-raising salt over the plain rubbish   8O

Luke Skywalker does ITV HD

November 28th, 2008 by BGonaSTICK

The ITV HD channel isn’t exactly wowing us with copious volumes of high definition content, that’s for sure.

When they can be bothered to get off their arse and load the odd reel of film (and then remember to stick a red button on the standard definition channel to remind everyone) or show a bit of HD footy, then it would be remiss of any red-blooded Freesat HD owner to forego the opportunity to grab an eyeful.

Having said that, they’re also not making it very easy for people to get advance notice of ITV HD programming. Anyone would think they just don’t love those of us who forked out good money for one of these babies enough to put that right, which is frankly a bloody disgrace in this information-dependant age.

What would it take for them to do that, honestly?!?

I did manage to pick up on the fact that they’re showing some Star Wars flicks during the run-up to Chrimbo, so I thought I’d post the details.

These are obviously subject to change - not that you’re going to be inundated with notifications from the ITV HD Programme Scheduling Dept.

Star Wars: Return of the Jedi - Sunday 30th November 2008 at 4.15pm

Star Wars: The Phantom Menace - Sunday 7th December 2008 at 3.50pm

Star Wars: Attack of the Clones - Sunday 14th December 2008 at 4.05pm

“I have no texts!”

November 28th, 2008 by RocketMBA

 

Christmas is, by far, the most wonderful time of the year - for idiots trying to pedal us stuff. As we all know, the biggest idiots work in the mobile content advertising industry, and they haven’t disappointed with this truly terrible advert for some kind of woman-related Christmas service. Enjoy!

BBC iPlayer on Freesat, oh yes

November 27th, 2008 by BGonaSTICK

The news may just have passed you by when originally announced, but the good people at Freesat have always had it in mind to provide this terrific addition to the Freesat platform at some point, and amidst recent rumours that this may happen sooner rather than later, an official response has been forthcoming in response to a direct line of questioning by the joinfreesat team:

“As Freesat has previously confirmed, iPlayer will launch onto the service in 2009. A launch date will be confirmed in due course.”

And on the rather more hopeful query regarding the progress being made on signing up Channel 4’s HD channel (which is still encrypted in NDS and therefore unavailable to Freesat viewers) and the much troubled Kangaroo project:

“Whilst there are currently no specific plans to launch 4HD and Kangaroo at this stage, Freesat is in regular contact with a wide range of broadcasters and service providers across the industry about joining the platform in the future.”

OK. So that’s that straightened out then  :)

Premiere encryption hacked again!

November 20th, 2008 by BGonaSTICK

LOL, those unlucky chaps at Premiere - the No.1 subscription satellite TV service in Germany - have gone and made themselves look stupid again.

Just days after proclaiming that they had put satellite hackers in their place with a hugely expensive encryption system upgrade, the team behind the Diablo CAM (Conditional Access Module) have released a new hack to open many of the channels in a different system - Conax.

This is hugely damaging - not to mention embarrassing - for the company which was recently taken over by News Corporation. It follows on from another recent scandal exposing the stated subscriber numbers as dramatically overstated.  It looks like the acquisition may not have been all that it seemed!

Here’s the regrettable press release from November 10th:

Premiere encryption system fully secure again

• Old signal switched off: New and fully secure encryption system from today onwards
• Modified digital receivers and illicit devices useless
• Premiere only available for Premiere subscribers

Munich, November 10, 2008. As of today, Premiere’s encryption system is fully secure again. Premiere has today switched off its former encryption signal. All smartcards for the new CA systems of Nagravision and NDS Videoguard have been swapped already. All modified digital receivers and illicit devices, which have been used to circumvent the old encryption system to watch Premiere illegally, have became useless for this purpose. From today onward, Premiere is only available for Premiere subscribers.

White Jesse Jackson spotted in the wild

November 17th, 2008 by RocketMBA

 A white Jesse Jackson turned up on My Family At War this week, working as a foreign bomb removal expert. For some reason, Alan Shearer and Sonia off Eastenders were also in the show.

Domino Day 2008

November 17th, 2008 by BGonaSTICK

What’s this?

It’s great, is what it is!

Friday (14th November) saw the 10th anniversary of what has become a bit of a cult event held annually at Leeuwarden, Netherlands, organised by Mr. Domino (Robin Paul Weijers) and sponsored by those idiots an Endemol.

The point of the exercise? Well, if you want to argue the point that there really is a point, it is actually a serious world record attempt at toppling the greatest number of dominoes in one event. Plus some other lesser domino-related world record attempts.

OK, so it’s not justifiable in any respect, but it is a pretty damn good spectacle all the same!  :D

Stupid, you say?

Come off it.

Don’t try and tell me you’ve never had your childhood set of dominoes set up on the coffee table ready to march over a pile of your mums ‘womens’ magazines, ‘cos it just won’t wash. There is just something vaguely masochistic about watching something that took so very long to create be destroyed in a tiny fraction of that time.

Last years effort was an unmitigated disaster, with many of the ‘fields’ of dominoes failing to fall for a number of different reasons. Most of those reasons were directly attributable to the personal failings of previously ‘cool’ young people involved in what are known as ‘Builders Challenges’.

This is basically where some devious git decides that the final decision as to whether two months of painstaking setup work will be rewarded with total dominolition rests solely on the ability of two of the aforementioned kids (chosen at random) to bridge a gap in the domino line with some extra stones (yes, that’s what they’re called - I looked it up, alright?) in less than two minutes.

Given that the majority of the ‘engineers’ are spottier than the tools of their trade and tend to turn to jelly at the slightest hint of pressure, hope maybe wasn’t as high this year that a new record would be set.

As a spoiler, I’ll go right ahead and tell you that the 2008 participants flattened a total of 4,345,027 of the annoying little tokens - beating their previous world record of 4,079,381 set at D-Day 2006.

Domino Day is quite a big deal in Germany and Holland in particular, and lengthy live coverage of the event is usually shown on RTL television, free to air, on Astra 19.2E.

Recently, UK channel Five have also picked up on its popularity, and it’s now attracting an increasingly normal following here. Indeed Five showed an hour-long highlights show early on Saturday evening - some screen grabs of which are randomly included in this post as cheap window-dressing.

See if you can piece together any logical meaning to their haphazard arrangement.

A prize will be awarded to anyone with the time to waste on such an ultimately unfullfilling quest. An altogether more interesting prize will be awarded to whomesoever can name the annoying American bloke on the left. No prizes for naming the slaphead, obviously.

New smiley set commissioned for SatScene

November 12th, 2008 by BGonaSTICK

We thought the existing smiley set here at SatScene was, to be truthfull, dull as dishwater.

So we spent over £1.75 to have an exclusive set designed for us by this silly old fart who spammed our blog last week. We didn’t buy his overpriced (err, probably…) Viagra, but as luck would have it he turned out to be an out-of-work web designer - and hey - beggars can’t be choosers, right?

In fact, none of that is true. This is actually another in our series of stupid frames clipped randomly from an otherwise boring low-budget piece of crap fit only to fill that otherwise embarrassing silence between the overnight loop of teletext pages, and the indecently early morning news on BBC2.

In fact, that’s a lie too. They were snatched illegally from a dire documentary on Angola shown on the TPAI channel (FTA) - Eutelsat W3A, 7E, 11346, Horizontal, 27500, 2/3.

Don’t bother tuning in, unless you too are writing a blog about TV dross and trying to make it sound interesting.

Fat Arse

You're goin' down, chummy!

If I get hold of you, you're dead meat!

So I thought to myself - this fella's a bit slow...

Lesbian!

'Unprintable'

Metronic Sat HD 100 Freesat box ‘for sale’

November 10th, 2008 by BGonaSTICK

Metronic’s new Freesat HD receiver - the snappily named ‘SAT HD 100′ - was announced a while back now, but here it is for pre-order on Maplin’s website for a predictable £149.99.

The early listing on Maplin’s online store gives us our first good look at the box which will surely add a bit of zip to Freesat’s pre-Christmas sales push.

Click the image here for a much larger version showing, well, a black box with some printing and a couple of buttons. Revolutionary in the cosmetic department it isn’t!

Based on previous announcements from Metronic, the unit is due to start shipping for real later this month, with a PVR version to follow ‘early 2009′.


Product Features:

  • HD satellite receiver with superb Standard Definition (SD) and High Definition (HD) picture quality
  • Official freesatHD receiver
  • Receive over 130 free-to-air digital channels and HD broadcasts from the Astra 28.2E satellite
  • HD upscaling for SD, improves picture quality through HDMI or component connections
  • Simply type in your postcode to pre-load your regions local channels
  • Multi-media function: supports USB 2.0 hard disk or USB 2.0 memory sticks
  • Play video files, audio files (MP3) or view photo files (JPEG)
  • RJ45 connection for upgrading software and future features
  • HDMI and component (YPbPr) outputs
  • Parental lock facility
  • Multiple output resolutions: 1080i, 720p, 576p, 480p, 576i, 480i
  • MPEG4/H.264 - 1080i (interlaced) and 720p (progressive) HDTV video format
  • 2 year warranty

It’s good to see more and more new products being supplied with a two year warranty. That’s two good things to come from European union then! The other? Damn. I forget…

Obama crowned as President; nobody is happy

November 5th, 2008 by RocketMBA

Don't cry, you've just won!

Don't cry, you've just won!

Brilliant news for mankind’s future should be cause for wonderful celebrations - but, no, everybody’s sad about it. CNN brought us yet more election strangeness of the saddest victors known to man.

 

 

 

 

 

Cheer up!!

Cheer up!!

These two don’t look very happy - in fact, one of them is crying. You’d think they’d be happy about having a black President! It’s what the great prophet Tupac spoke about in one of his musical sermons known as “Changes”.

 

 

 
 

 

Cheer up, Rev.

Cheer up, Rev.

Here’s Jesse Jackson, who is also crying. Probably because he hasn’t been able to castrate anybody lately.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
No caption needed.
No caption needed.

Finally, this old man just heard the news that a black man has become President, shortly before leaving the studio to go back to Texas and hate gays, foreigners and Muslims.

 

 

 

Rhyming holograms honour Presidential elections

November 5th, 2008 by RocketMBA

Never one to make light of the most important event this century, CNN have gone with a tasteful hologram of “celebrity” Will.I.Am, with some beautiful rhyming captions:

WILL.I.AM VIA HOLOGRAM
PERFORMER & OBAMA SUPPORTER

Beautiful.

Kaon KSF200 FTA - satellite receiver bargain of the month!

November 5th, 2008 by BGonaSTICK

How about this cheap puppy?

Kaon KSF 200 FTA Digital Satellite Receiver

- 9,000 channel memory
- 1x SCART socket
- Display
- HF Modulator
- Loop through
- RS 232
- USALS and DiSEqC 1.2
- EPG
- Sleep Timer
- Software Update via RS-232 port
- 25 OSD languages
- Video RCA
- Audio L/R RCA
- S/PDIF
- Dimensions 180 x 45 x 250mm
- Weight: 1.4kg

Sound good? Looks pretty good, no?

The price? Thought you’d never ask. £23.63 inc VAT (plus shipping from Germany). Don’t normally give commercial sites a free plug, but this is a tasty looking FTA box by a decent manufacturer for a stupid price.

Get it at www.satplace.de. Well done to them!

Frmr Dick Dyck

November 5th, 2008 by RocketMBA

 It’s Election Night over in the land of the fat, rich warmongers, so let’s start the first of the laughs: the words “Dick”, “Dyck” and the non-existent word “Frmr”. Brilliant.

Bond in Sony High Definition Advert is great

November 4th, 2008 by RocketMBA

Not exactly satellite related, but the new advert for Sony’s HD sets is a truly stunning watch, with some fantastic ambient music and great visuals. Here’s the YouTube clip, but try to catch it yourself on ITV HD or Sky HD some time to be truly wowed.