Make up your own storyline - episode one

October 31st, 2008 by BGonaSTICK

This film was on Algerian TV channel A3 (Hotbird 13E) on Friday night. Now whilst I can’t admit to staying in every Friday night to watch 60-year-old Algerian films, there were mitigating circumstances on this occasion. No, I’m not about to divulge what they were in case they don’t stand up to semi-intelligent analysis.

This flick was bad. I mean really bad. So bad that it was good, if you know what I mean. I didn’t understand a piggin’ word, so I had to try and piece together the storyline with the aid of just a Friday-night attitude and a few Peroni’s.

So here it is.

Anyone seen my fags? I've dropped my bloody fags!

Anyone seen my fags? I've dropped my bloody fags!


Ah. A confession. I stuck them up my arse to stop the enemy finding them.

Ah. A confession. I stuck them up my arse to stop the enemy finding them.


You complete bastard.

You bastard.


I'd rather die than let you stick that up my jacksy

I'd rather die than let you stick that up my jacksy


Right, has everybody got a fag on now?

Right, has everybody got a fag on now?


Nope. I'm always the one to miss out. Is it because of my hat?

Nope. I'm always the one to miss out. Is it because of my hat?


Fcuk me...

Fcuk me...

Free music channels on satellite

October 30th, 2008 by BGonaSTICK

There are free music TV channels on ‘Sky’ I know.

In fact, they’re not actually ‘on Sky’ at all. They’re FTA (Free To Air) which means they’re free to be received by anyone with a suitable satellite receiver - including the Sky digibox.

That means that they are also available on a Freesat box. They might not all be on either the Sky or Freesat EPG’s, but you can tune them manually regardless.

Bit boring though isn’t it?

Same old, same old.

Why not try for something a bit different?

Get yourself a motorised dish and you can sample the delights of many free music television channels, and also a mind-numbing number of free radio stations over satellite.

I’m going to try and give you a quick sample of the kind of things that can be picked up completely free, totally legally and very easily. Put simply, there is way more legit stuff out there than you can ever watch.

Let’s start off at the satellites located at 1° West. Swing your dish over there for 1 Music Channel. A good mix of modern popular music. Most flavours of UK and US stuff with a Romanian twist.

Get all the info and program listings etc. at their website at www.1music.ro. It’s a good looking website and it’s fairly easy to navigate the Romanian menus with a little imagination.

Next stop is Novy Channel on Sirius 4 at 5° East. A Ukrainian channel with more live music as opposed to just endless videos, and a lot more native content than many other networks which just pump out English-language music.

Novy Channel is definitely worth a look if you want to see something you wouldn’t normally come across, and is definitely worth checking out. OK, so some of it is crap, but we’re on a journey here.

Some interesting supporting footage and documentary-style filming from Ukraine gives you a very good feel of the country and its musical culture. It can be found by scanning transponder 11766 Horizontal with an SR of 27500 and a FEC of 3/4.

The web address should you want to have a look is www.novy.tv.

There’s a great Cuban channel on Hispasat 30° West - CubaVision. Whilst not strictly a full time music channel, many times when I’ve flipped over to have a watch of this one they have been showing either live music or something else to cause me to hover over the channel change button. Some great music on here. A lot of interesting South American content as you would expect, but the quality of the pictures can be pretty dire!

If you want to visit the website, then you can find it here: www.cubavision.cubaweb.cu

I sometimes have this on in the background when at the computer and it’s well worth having a look at.

Cubavisión International has its headquarters in Havana, and transmits daily to ‘the outside’ (that’s what it says on the website!) 24 hours a day and FTA. As well as music, it also covers the genres of “culture, sports, tradition, science and technical, tourism and geography, among others.”

Find it on 12092 Vertical at 30° West. Also to be found on ASTRA, INTELSAT and ASIASAT birds.

Moving on to 7° East and Eutelsat W3A there is Africable - again, not strictly a ‘music channel’, but has a high percentage of music-related content. Lots of recycled stuff from way back when, plus the latest promotional material of course. It also carries quite a bit of minor-league stuff which I really enjoy.

Maybe you need to pick your viewing times, but I often catch something of note here. I haven’t really worked out the program schedule yet. The website at www.africable.net has been down whenever I’ve tried it, so no help there.

Remember to have a look in on this one to enjoy the unusual mix of Senegalese-produced music.

Time for a brand new one. Can’t tell you much about this, as it only launched today! So get off your butt, and tune your tuning whatsit into 11804 Vertical on Turksat at 42° East. It looks OK to me, but time will tell if it’s any good. It’s called ‘Plus Muzik‘ and I’m going to hazard a wild guess that they’ll carry a fair bit of Turkish music.

Can’t even find a website for it yet it’s that new!

Next stop on the free music tour is MTV Arabia located at BADR4 - 26° East that is - 12169 Vertical 27500 3/4.

MTV Arabia is ‘a revolution in Music Television’. What it actually is, is the same thing as all the other MTV stations but with a new logo and the suffix ‘Arabia’.

It’s free though, so it’s in. Not that much Free to Air MTV around the satellite arc, so fill yer’ boots.

It’s exactly what you’d expect to be honest. Here’s a wonderful picture of the homies biggin’ up Margate in February.

MTV Arabia is in fact a joint venture between MTV Networks International and Arabian Television Network, and launched in November 2007. It does include some specialist content, with shows called HipHopna, Introducing, Baqabeeq, Banat, Rewes, Waslity, Amour, Cimena, MTV Weyakom and Na3na3.

That’ll do for now. Maybe I’ll do a few more another time, but it shouldn’t stop you getting a head start!

Nuts TV to that…

October 29th, 2008 by BGonaSTICK

Right then, this miserable apology for a channel is finally quitting DTT’s Freeview service and relinquishing its slot to the far-more-sensible CNN (one of Turner Broadcastings more ratings-friendly offerings.)

Whilst CNN may be as exciting as watching paint dry, at least it doesn’t contain any nuts.

Of the embarassing withdrawal of Nuts TV, Jeff Kupsky, president of Turner Broadcasting Europe, said in a statement earlier today:

“Owning such a diverse portfolio of channels has enabled us to be fleet of foot in finding solutions that will benefit a news-hungry audience at the same time as we fully transition Nuts into the digital space.”

I hate it when The Suits try and put a brave face on such a calamitous disaster. Just be honest, eh?

It was shite! Let’s hope it gets the flick from satellite in double-quick time too.

BBC Trust want your views

October 27th, 2008 by RocketMBA

 Finally, somebody out there is crazy enough to listen to your views. The BBC Trust want young folk (read: annoying 19-year-old university students who find Coming of Age funny) to give their views on various BBC services, including BBC Three, Radio 1 and, for some reason, the BBC learning websites.

Go on, go and fill in the BBC Three one. If we all complain about Two Pints of Lager being shown 4,000 times a day, we might get something done about it.

http://www.bbcyoursay.co.uk/

Bubbles on my Hispasat feed

October 27th, 2008 by BGonaSTICK

No monkeys here though. These are real bubble-type bubbles, and proliferated much controversy during one of the La Liga games shown on Hispasat 30W at the weekend, that’s for sure.

They caused the striker snapped opposite to have to dive like a dying swan whilst looking through his greasy fringe to check if the referee was going to compensate him by awarding a penalty.

Unfortunately, the ref simply hadn’t seen the strange ‘bubble effect’, and having spoken to the linesman (sorry, ‘assistant referee’) decided that the bloke was just having him on.

The player in question was subsequently suspended for the next game and referred to the club doctor for substance abuse.

Oh how they all laughed the next day though, when they realised their mistake. It was the corporate logo of Audiovisual Sport, dubbed over the top of the live feed to stop entrepreneurial feedhunters from cadging a freebie!

Actually, I found it made the whole experience even more entertaining, as you could never really see where the ball was - which in turn had me reminiscing over the long lost days of the Spot the Ball competition.

What do you mean, “you don’t remember Spot the Ball?”

Lordy!

Spot the Ball was a fantastic newspaper competition, popularised in the late seventies and eighties in Thatcherite Britain, when working class folks had to supplement their earnings with prizes awarded for guessing where the missing football was in an image doctored like the one opposite. Allegedly.

You will now be redirected to Wikipedia for an even more boring definition.

Redirecting in 3, 2, 1…

A bad customer always blames his workmen

October 23rd, 2008 by BGonaSTICK

OK, this isn’t the most wonderful way to install a satellite dish, but I think the signal locking problem might be more to do with the 50ft tree in front of the dish rather than the wobbly eight foot pole the dish is mounted on!

And quite what it was that inspired the guy to go straight out and video it for YouTube, I’ll never know.

Currys in Freesat F-connector shame

October 21st, 2008 by RocketMBA

So, there I was, innocently browsing around the Currys superstore in Weston-super-Mare, when I noticed that they had a lovely Freesat setup. What else would any sane man do, other than go and inspect it?

It’s a good thing I did inspect it, because I stumbled across this gem of raw stupidity. Obviously unfamiliar with satellite equipment (and, indeed, anything other than using the tills) some Currys employee ripped the F-connector off the coaxial cable and wedged the bare wire into the back of the Humax Freesat box.

 

A stunning victory for idiots worldwide.

Well, it’s looking good. But…

October 14th, 2008 by BGonaSTICK

It’s only a small ‘but’ at the moment, but whilst everything has now been transferred and rebuilt, nothing has been tested as yet. That means the forum won’t be back for a while. Just to keep things interesting, I now have to go out this evening, so no time to finish it up today.

Some reconfiguration work has been performed internally on the databases and the like, but the planned upgrades will not be performed at this time. That will now be done next week once we’re happy that the actual move has gone OK.

Please feel free to help us test some of the dependant sites in the meantime, such as www.tellyindex.com and the NoSky blog at www.nosky.co.uk/blog. Just have a play and let us know if you find any broken stuff when the forum reopens.

Initial indications show a huge improvement in response times, and a far more robust connection to the database server.

Just to pass the time…

October 14th, 2008 by RocketMBA

While the NoSky move is ongoing and our good friend BGonaSTICK is ripping clumps of hair out of his already tattered scalp, have a look at what Channel 4 were showing the other day:

Wonderful.

Wonderful.

I truly hope that nobody missed the thrills and spills of Building of the Year: The RIBA Stirling Prize 2008 Live. With a name that long, it just has to be thrilling!

I was going to lay into it, but five minutes in, I fell asleep. No, I really did. You have no idea how boring this programme was.

I had way too much hair anyhow

October 14th, 2008 by BGonaSTICK

www.nosky.co.ukOur NoSky forum has been struggling for quite some time now on a US based server, and has just become so unreliable of late that it’s an embarrassment!

Time for drastic action then, and a move to a super high quality UK-based box where page load times will be so fast you’ll have to type faster just to keep up!

We’ll try and post an update or two on how things are going, but we expect to have all the work done by end of play Tuesday 14th Oct.

Apologies for the outage, but we just couldn’t go on the way we were.

As anyone who has done this sort of thing before knows, they can go one of two ways. Fingers crossed… and here we go.

Pulling the big fat cable out of the wall socket right about n