Sky to do some 3D stuff

January 29th, 2010 by BGonaSTICK

Not to be outdone by the suicidal specky twerps waiting at the cinema to see Avatar, that idiot of a bloke Andy Gray wants to get in on the ‘I look like a dick’ action as part of the announcement that Sky will be rolling out 3D div-o-vision-down-the pub this year.

Shut up!I say that people should have the common decency to do that kind of embarrassing shit at Disneyworld, or at least in the privacy of their own homes.

Imagine having a few drunken mates round to watch Countdown in 3D. Never going to happen unless Katie Price solves the Countdown Conundrum and tries to snog the cameraman. As I said, never going to happen.

Besides, that’s on Channel 4, and they have no budget for this year, unless they can nab a slice of Film4’s Slumdog profit.

How do you fit three men in a pair of Y-Fronts?

February 25th, 2009 by BGonaSTICK

Easy. You just get a very large pair!

The commentary for the Chelsea V Juventus game this evening was pants.

I couldn’t believe my eyes when the largest pair of undercrackers on Earth appeared on set for the intro. Even funnier when three Romanians crowded into them to watch the game! What’s wrong with a sofa guys?!

Not that you’re the slightest bit interested, but the channel was CT2 on 1° West - 12687 V 27500 3/4.

Credit crunch? Let’s chuck £60 a month at Sky!

February 19th, 2009 by BGonaSTICK

London’s Financial Times newspaper has published a topical piece on the all-powerful BSkyB, in which it points out that:

“In spite of charging almost £50 a month for a full package of channels, the satellite broadcaster is still signing up new customers at a healthy rate.”

This is even more scary when you realise that large numbers are currently taking up what looks like a very attractive offer for BSkyB’s high-definition service (Sky HD box for £49, free installation and £30 M&S vouchers) - even though this will currently cost them an extra £9.75 a month!

The FT goes on:

“Clearly, the public is willing to pay for distraction from the misery of the slump.”

“Sky must be confident that this trend will continue”, although concerns that BSkyB’s share price (when compared to other media stocks) is now at a 5-year high.

“That puts the uptrend since October in jeopardy. In fact, on a longer-term view, the shares’ multi-year bear market remains intact. This suggests that we may be in for further aggressive downside before too long”

So who’s signing up for this not-so-cheap little luxury? Who can actually afford £60 a month for TV and still pay all other the bills? Are people conning themselves that they’ll be saving money by staying in and staring at the box every night?

Search me!

Not the time to be investing all those ’saved expenses’ in BSkyB shares either, I think.

Premier League TV rights sold to Sky (again!)

February 7th, 2009 by BGonaSTICK

Those filthy rich folks at Sky continue to buy up just about whatever they want with the acquisition of the TV rights to five of the six match packages auctioned off by the Premier League.

Live transmission rights to the 138 eligible games (Saturday 3p.m. kickoffs are excluded from the sale to help prop up gate receipts) are divided into six sub-packages, and the European paper-pushers have decreed that no one broadcaster should be allowed to buy the lot.

So to make it fair, Setanta get to show one or two of the games that nobody wants to watch anyway.

The deal will run from next season (2010/11) until 2012/13, when BSkyB will buy them again.

At least the Premier League didn’t have to suffer the indignity of having to sign over the rights to the Walt Disney Company’s sports broadcaster ESPN.

Apparently, they considered a bid, but thought better of it at the last minute. And no, I’m not going to make any comment about their derisory offer being ‘Mickey Mouse’.

Satellite TV frequency, and why keyword-stuffing is a bad thing!

December 1st, 2008 by BGonaSTICK

Arthur C Clarke would turn in his grave…

http://www.sectoo.org/news/satellite-frequency-tv-channel-list-and-digital

We have awarded that classic blog entry our coveted SatScene triple-shit-bugle award!

Text “A” for Chicken Madras

November 29th, 2008 by BGonaSTICK

Yay! Time to hear about another of my pet hates!

Can’t wait, huh?   :P

This week, it’s “Phone competitions, where two out of three answers would condemn you as an intellectual vegetable.”

I’m on the lookout for the most outragous competition.

You know the type of thing.

How many ears does Phillip Schofield have?

  • A - Chicken Madras
  • B - TWO - This is the correct answer! Vote for ‘B’ you idiots!
  • C - Ag2Cr2O7

I think that originally, the simplicity of the questions was designed to encourage more people to phone in at exorbitant premium rates to effectively top-up the camera crews’ wages. Nowadays of course, that sort of scam could never happen, so it must be because somebody in television-world thinks that we’re all thick.

Today for example, I was floored by the competition on Rosemary Shrager School For Cooks:

“What food comes in types Plain and Self-Raising?”

  • A - Sugar
  • B - Flour
  • C - Salt

Surely not. It’s a bad dream, it is. May I be clubbed about the head like a baby seal if I favour self-raising salt over the plain rubbish   8O

Premiere encryption hacked again!

November 20th, 2008 by BGonaSTICK

LOL, those unlucky chaps at Premiere - the No.1 subscription satellite TV service in Germany - have gone and made themselves look stupid again.

Just days after proclaiming that they had put satellite hackers in their place with a hugely expensive encryption system upgrade, the team behind the Diablo CAM (Conditional Access Module) have released a new hack to open many of the channels in a different system - Conax.

This is hugely damaging - not to mention embarrassing - for the company which was recently taken over by News Corporation. It follows on from another recent scandal exposing the stated subscriber numbers as dramatically overstated.  It looks like the acquisition may not have been all that it seemed!

Here’s the regrettable press release from November 10th:

Premiere encryption system fully secure again

• Old signal switched off: New and fully secure encryption system from today onwards
• Modified digital receivers and illicit devices useless
• Premiere only available for Premiere subscribers

Munich, November 10, 2008. As of today, Premiere’s encryption system is fully secure again. Premiere has today switched off its former encryption signal. All smartcards for the new CA systems of Nagravision and NDS Videoguard have been swapped already. All modified digital receivers and illicit devices, which have been used to circumvent the old encryption system to watch Premiere illegally, have became useless for this purpose. From today onward, Premiere is only available for Premiere subscribers.

Domino Day 2008

November 17th, 2008 by BGonaSTICK

What’s this?

It’s great, is what it is!

Friday (14th November) saw the 10th anniversary of what has become a bit of a cult event held annually at Leeuwarden, Netherlands, organised by Mr. Domino (Robin Paul Weijers) and sponsored by those idiots an Endemol.

The point of the exercise? Well, if you want to argue the point that there really is a point, it is actually a serious world record attempt at toppling the greatest number of dominoes in one event. Plus some other lesser domino-related world record attempts.

OK, so it’s not justifiable in any respect, but it is a pretty damn good spectacle all the same!  :D

Stupid, you say?

Come off it.

Don’t try and tell me you’ve never had your childhood set of dominoes set up on the coffee table ready to march over a pile of your mums ‘womens’ magazines, ‘cos it just won’t wash. There is just something vaguely masochistic about watching something that took so very long to create be destroyed in a tiny fraction of that time.

Last years effort was an unmitigated disaster, with many of the ‘fields’ of dominoes failing to fall for a number of different reasons. Most of those reasons were directly attributable to the personal failings of previously ‘cool’ young people involved in what are known as ‘Builders Challenges’.

This is basically where some devious git decides that the final decision as to whether two months of painstaking setup work will be rewarded with total dominolition rests solely on the ability of two of the aforementioned kids (chosen at random) to bridge a gap in the domino line with some extra stones (yes, that’s what they’re called - I looked it up, alright?) in less than two minutes.

Given that the majority of the ‘engineers’ are spottier than the tools of their trade and tend to turn to jelly at the slightest hint of pressure, hope maybe wasn’t as high this year that a new record would be set.

As a spoiler, I’ll go right ahead and tell you that the 2008 participants flattened a total of 4,345,027 of the annoying little tokens - beating their previous world record of 4,079,381 set at D-Day 2006.

Domino Day is quite a big deal in Germany and Holland in particular, and lengthy live coverage of the event is usually shown on RTL television, free to air, on Astra 19.2E.

Recently, UK channel Five have also picked up on its popularity, and it’s now attracting an increasingly normal following here. Indeed Five showed an hour-long highlights show early on Saturday evening - some screen grabs of which are randomly included in this post as cheap window-dressing.

See if you can piece together any logical meaning to their haphazard arrangement.

A prize will be awarded to anyone with the time to waste on such an ultimately unfullfilling quest. An altogether more interesting prize will be awarded to whomesoever can name the annoying American bloke on the left. No prizes for naming the slaphead, obviously.

Kaon KSF200 FTA - satellite receiver bargain of the month!

November 5th, 2008 by BGonaSTICK

How about this cheap puppy?

Kaon KSF 200 FTA Digital Satellite Receiver

- 9,000 channel memory
- 1x SCART socket
- Display
- HF Modulator
- Loop through
- RS 232
- USALS and DiSEqC 1.2
- EPG
- Sleep Timer
- Software Update via RS-232 port
- 25 OSD languages
- Video RCA
- Audio L/R RCA
- S/PDIF
- Dimensions 180 x 45 x 250mm
- Weight: 1.4kg

Sound good? Looks pretty good, no?

The price? Thought you’d never ask. £23.63 inc VAT (plus shipping from Germany). Don’t normally give commercial sites a free plug, but this is a tasty looking FTA box by a decent manufacturer for a stupid price.

Get it at www.satplace.de. Well done to them!

Nuts TV to that…

October 29th, 2008 by BGonaSTICK

Right then, this miserable apology for a channel is finally quitting DTT’s Freeview service and relinquishing its slot to the far-more-sensible CNN (one of Turner Broadcastings more ratings-friendly offerings.)

Whilst CNN may be as exciting as watching paint dry, at least it doesn’t contain any nuts.

Of the embarassing withdrawal of Nuts TV, Jeff Kupsky, president of Turner Broadcasting Europe, said in a statement earlier today:

“Owning such a diverse portfolio of channels has enabled us to be fleet of foot in finding solutions that will benefit a news-hungry audience at the same time as we fully transition Nuts into the digital space.”

I hate it when The Suits try and put a brave face on such a calamitous disaster. Just be honest, eh?

It was shite! Let’s hope it gets the flick from satellite in double-quick time too.

Re-aligning your Sky minidish for Freesat

August 31st, 2008 by BGonaSTICK

Here’s a simple but effective method of fine-tuning your satellite antenna for Freesat reception.

If this appears to be too technical, you can ring Sky direct on 08442 414 141 and they will send an engineer round to do the self-same thing and charge you £60. They’ll even bring their own hammer.

Does a crisp packet increase satellite dish gain?

February 25th, 2008 by RocketMBA

Don’t you just know what it’s like to have a load of old crisp packets lying around the house? I know I do, so I decided to make use of them the only way I know how: irresponsibly.

The goal of this experiment was to answer the question “Does a crisp packet increase satellite dish gain?”.

The tools I used were a computer fitted with a SkyStar 2 card, an 80cm satellite dish with a cheap Korean LNB on the end, and an old crisp packet.

The crisp packet (ASDA Smartprice, Ready Salted) was placed over the whole of the LNB face and most of the LNB body.

Now for the readings. The dish was aligned to 1w, and tuned to transponder 11325 H 24500.


Before crisp packet:

After crisp packet:

As you can see, placing the crisp packet over the LNB has no effect upon the signal strength recieved. As such, the crisp packet cannot be recommended as an item to increase satellite dish gain, but it does look quite snazzy and may make a short-term alternative to LNB joint sealant.

Further things to try: different flavour crisps, foil-lined crisp packet, using tape to hold the crisp packet in place.

BBC shows Super Bowl, sends nation to sleep

February 4th, 2008 by RocketMBA

The nation collectively fell asleep tonight as the BBC showed the 42nd Super Bowl, the first time the Super Bowl shown on the BBC.

BBC Two carried the transmission complete with original American commentary that confused people with speak of the 2nd & 10 for the 10 yard four sack rule.

I, with the support of a friend, managed to watch the entire game without dropping dead of boredom. It was so boring, however, that we actually enjoyed Tom Petty at the half time interval.

Czech Republic getting 4-hour-a-year channel

January 19th, 2008 by RocketMBA

The Czech Republic is set to get their own TV channel that only runs for a maximum of 4 hours a year, thanks to a German savings company called BSH and some Czech bank.

The channel, named Liska TV, will appear on Astra 1 on the 16th of April and will broadcast for one hour between two and four times a year. It’ll show something about saving money, which is presumably what its owners are doing by only running a TV channel for less than 0.005% of the year.

Disturbingly, a German version of this channel has been running for the past 12 years.

Nuts TV mini-review (Hint: it’s rubbish)

January 15th, 2008 by RocketMBA

Nuts TV is set to start broadcasting on satellite on the 21st of January. Well, it’s arrived early, hidden away from the Sky EPG. It’s a good thing it’s not on the EPG, too, since it’s a load of rubbish.

Here’s our two hosts. As you can see, one is a 30-something beard-face that you’d likely meet in a nightclub trying to “pull” some “birds”, and the other is a Cheryl Tweedy lookalike that’s plastered herself in make-up. Unlike Cheryl Tweedy, however, this girl’s nose seems to be pointing 45 degrees upwards.

Shed Sports 1 is one of the little… Things… That they’ll be putting on Nuts TV. As such, it’s one of the things you’ll want to avoid.

It’s hosted by “Comedy Dave”, an Everton supporter and Chris Moyles sympathiser, and some guy called Geoff Norcott, who likely won “Stupidest Surname of 2007″. They babble on about sport, but neither of them have anything interesting or funny to say.

Nuts TV is bad. So bad, in fact, that I have found myself unable to watch more than 3 minutes of it in any one session, and as a result I have been unable to write more than four paragraphs about it. To summarise:

Plus points:
- The woman looks like Cheryl Tweedy

Minus points:
- Everything else

(TOP TIP: If you’re a sucker for punishment, you can watch Nuts TV now on 28.2e - 12051 V 27500)

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