February 25th, 2009 by BGonaSTICK

Easy. You just get a very large pair!

The commentary for the Chelsea V Juventus game this evening was pants.

I couldn’t believe my eyes when the largest pair of undercrackers on Earth appeared on set for the intro. Even funnier when three Romanians crowded into them to watch the game! What’s wrong with a sofa guys?!

Not that you’re the slightest bit interested, but the channel was CT2 on 1° West - 12687 V 27500 3/4.

February 19th, 2009 by BGonaSTICK

London’s Financial Times newspaper has published a topical piece on the all-powerful BSkyB, in which it points out that:

“In spite of charging almost £50 a month for a full package of channels, the satellite broadcaster is still signing up new customers at a healthy rate.”

This is even more scary when you realise that large numbers are currently taking up what looks like a very attractive offer for BSkyB’s high-definition service (Sky HD box for £49, free installation and £30 M&S vouchers) - even though this will currently cost them an extra £9.75 a month!

The FT goes on:

“Clearly, the public is willing to pay for distraction from the misery of the slump.”

“Sky must be confident that this trend will continue”, although concerns that BSkyB’s share price (when compared to other media stocks) is now at a 5-year high.

“That puts the uptrend since October in jeopardy. In fact, on a longer-term view, the shares’ multi-year bear market remains intact. This suggests that we may be in for further aggressive downside before too long”

So who’s signing up for this not-so-cheap little luxury? Who can actually afford £60 a month for TV and still pay all other the bills? Are people conning themselves that they’ll be saving money by staying in and staring at the box every night?

Search me!

Not the time to be investing all those ’saved expenses’ in BSkyB shares either, I think.

December 8th, 2008 by BGonaSTICK

Yet again, satellite TV throws up a horror story all of its own making.

This one pretty much speaks for itself.

Pay particular attention to the Chucky-like Father Christmas character sat in front of her, while you ponder the kind of person who would ring this mad cow to help determine the course of the rest of their life.

I think it’s the cardigan that’s doing it for me.

Or that nice wing-back chair.

Taken from Prima Cz, a Czech channel on 12687 V 27500 3/4 1°W

December 5th, 2008 by RocketMBA

The fantastically named HOLIDAY SAT-GOLD SHOP over on 12.5w shows some great adverts at night, usually for the most mundane products. Tonight, it was the turn of a washing power to get the insanity treatment, with the highlight of the night being the comparison of trousers after a man wet himself, and after his trousers had been washed.

Brilliant.

December 1st, 2008 by RocketMBA

 What can I say? During 4Music’s slightly brilliant It’s a 90s Christmas, I spotted H from Steps being attacked with axes by midgets in armour. It’s the original Christmas story!

December 1st, 2008 by BGonaSTICK

Arthur C Clarke would turn in his grave…

http://www.sectoo.org/news/satellite-frequency-tv-channel-list-and-digital

We have awarded that classic blog entry our coveted SatScene triple-shit-bugle award!

November 28th, 2008 by RocketMBA

Christmas is, by far, the most wonderful time of the year - for idiots trying to pedal us stuff. As we all know, the biggest idiots work in the mobile content advertising industry, and they haven’t disappointed with this truly terrible advert for some kind of woman-related Christmas service. Enjoy!

November 17th, 2008 by RocketMBA

 A white Jesse Jackson turned up on My Family At War this week, working as a foreign bomb removal expert. For some reason, Alan Shearer and Sonia off Eastenders were also in the show.

November 12th, 2008 by BGonaSTICK

We thought the existing smiley set here at SatScene was, to be truthfull, dull as dishwater.

So we spent over £1.75 to have an exclusive set designed for us by this silly old fart who spammed our blog last week. We didn’t buy his overpriced (err, probably…) Viagra, but as luck would have it he turned out to be an out-of-work web designer - and hey - beggars can’t be choosers, right?

In fact, none of that is true. This is actually another in our series of stupid frames clipped randomly from an otherwise boring low-budget piece of crap fit only to fill that otherwise embarrassing silence between the overnight loop of teletext pages, and the indecently early morning news on BBC2.

In fact, that’s a lie too. They were snatched illegally from a dire documentary on Angola shown on the TPAI channel (FTA) - Eutelsat W3A, 7E, 11346, Horizontal, 27500, 2/3.

Don’t bother tuning in, unless you too are writing a blog about TV dross and trying to make it sound interesting.

Fat Arse

You're goin' down, chummy!

If I get hold of you, you're dead meat!

So I thought to myself - this fella's a bit slow...

Lesbian!

'Unprintable'

November 5th, 2008 by RocketMBA

Don't cry, you've just won!

Brilliant news for mankind’s future should be cause for wonderful celebrations - but, no, everybody’s sad about it. CNN brought us yet more election strangeness of the saddest victors known to man.

Cheer up!!

These two don’t look very happy - in fact, one of them is crying. You’d think they’d be happy about having a black President! It’s what the great prophet Tupac spoke about in one of his musical sermons known as “Changes”.

Cheer up, Rev.

Here’s Jesse Jackson, who is also crying. Probably because he hasn’t been able to castrate anybody lately.

November 5th, 2008 by RocketMBA

Never one to make light of the most important event this century, CNN have gone with a tasteful hologram of “celebrity” Will.I.Am, with some beautiful rhyming captions:

WILL.I.AM VIA HOLOGRAM
PERFORMER & OBAMA SUPPORTER

Beautiful.

November 5th, 2008 by RocketMBA

 It’s Election Night over in the land of the fat, rich warmongers, so let’s start the first of the laughs: the words “Dick”, “Dyck” and the non-existent word “Frmr”. Brilliant.

October 27th, 2008 by RocketMBA

 Finally, somebody out there is crazy enough to listen to your views. The BBC Trust want young folk (read: annoying 19-year-old university students who find Coming of Age funny) to give their views on various BBC services, including BBC Three, Radio 1 and, for some reason, the BBC learning websites.

Go on, go and fill in the BBC Three one. If we all complain about Two Pints of Lager being shown 4,000 times a day, we might get something done about it.

http://www.bbcyoursay.co.uk/

August 31st, 2008 by BGonaSTICK

Here’s a simple but effective method of fine-tuning your satellite antenna for Freesat reception.

If this appears to be too technical, you can ring Sky direct on 08442 414 141 and they will send an engineer round to do the self-same thing and charge you £60. They’ll even bring their own hammer.

August 29th, 2008 by RocketMBA

How else could you quickly alert a whole group of people that you’ve wet the bed at half 4 in the morning?